My refuge

I went to Birmingham for my scheduled checkup with my surgeon yesterday. This was my email verse yesterday morning:

"Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer." Psalm 4:1

I was in a bit of distress about seeing him. I found a knot on my neck about two weeks ago. I've questioned myself for the last couple of weeks whether it's really something, should I mention it to my doctor, would he be able to feel it and think it was anything. So I've been praying for God to work on my behalf...to be validated. Well, God heard my prayer. My doctor did feel it, and he has ordered a PET scan. I will have it Friday at 11:30. He said that if the PET scan doesn't show anything, he will still want to do a needle biopsy. He wants to be sure. The PET scan hasn't worked for me in that way before. We'll see what it shows Friday and go from there.

A friend sent me some verses today. These say it all:
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. . . Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge" Psalms 62:5 & 8

In Him all things hold together

My computer has been out of commission for a week, and I've just gotten it back, so I will give you an update. I had treatment #3 yesterday. Last week was the first week after my first treatment and I felt pretty bad all week. Ironically, I started feeling better on Friday, the day after my 2nd treatment. I do think the Decadron I get with my treatment on Thursday may be like a shot in the arm for a while. I do have the rash and dry skin again. I'm taking extra B6 this time per my doctor's advice, and it may be helping. I still start feeling bad about midday on Saturday till about midday on Monday.
My dear daughter told me that I needed to watch a video on youtube. It's divided into segments on youtube. They watched the whole thing in Sunday School last Sunday. She told me it was awesome. It is! I'm including a segment link in this blog. It totals about 8 minutes. The subject matter gets started off with something called Laminin which are protein molecules in our body. Please take a look:
Louie Giglio - Laminin
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. Colossians 1:15-17 NAS

God brings me what I need right when I need it. What hope and encouragement to know that even though I may be battling cancer, He has "millions and millions and millions of microscopic crosses holding me together and one giant, glorious cross of Jesus Christ holding me on to the heavenly Father...forever!" Amen and amen!

The Power of the Most High

"For nothing will be impossible with God."..."be it done to me according to your word."
Luke 1:37-38 NASB

Faith that He will

I've just been lying around and taking Tylenol as needed all weekend. As I'm trying my best to understand this whole thing yesterday, this was my devotional last night from Beth Moore's book, March 1:

WHETHER OR NOT WE LIKE THE CONCEPT, CHRIST LOVES TO RESPOND TO US ACCORDING TO OUR FAITH. Lord Jesus, before You healed the blind men who cried out for Your mercy, You asked them, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" After they replied to You by saying, "Yes, Lord," You touched their eyes and You said, "According to your faith will it be done to you " (Matt. 9:28-29). Clearly my faith impacts what You are willing to perform in my life. Please help me to believe that You are able. Lord, I want to be like the one to whom You said, "Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted" (Matt. 15:28). Flourish this kind of faith in me, God!

Oh, for Him to be able to say to me, "Woman, you have great faith to believe I will. Your request is granted." Faith not only to believe that He is able but, also, that He will. Flourish this kind of faith in me, O God!

Covered with His feathers and under His wings

I began a second course of Erbitux treatments yesterday. I didn't have to start with a double dose this time, just the dosage I maintained during the last 8 treatments. This morning I felt like I did before. My legs were bothering me and I felt achy. I took some Tylenol and that helped. My face is flushed, especially on the right side and feels warm to the touch.
As I sat in the room waiting for them to get the IV started I just thought how I sure didn't want to have to do this again. I just had to pray for God to calm me, and He did. Sometimes you just do what you gotta do.

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, ''He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.'' Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day, nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday. Psalm 91:1-6

Visit with doctor today

We saw my oncologist today. He consulted with another oncologist in Birmingham about his proposed treatment plan with Erbitux. She concurred with his treatment plan. Though, I don't think she would have swayed his conviction, it was confirmation that this is right for her to agree with him. So I will begin treatments in 2 weeks. I will have 8 consecutive weeks, once a week, just like in the summer. Then the plan is for me to continue with the Erbitux once a month for an extended period. At least I've got this option and there is not a need to go with conventional chemo treatments. I've been blessed with very nice doctors who truly want to see me healed.

I start in 2 weeks so that I can spend next week with my Monkey Boys. The Monkey Boys mom and dad and sister, Monkey Girl, will be going to Hawaii for the week. What fun to get to spend the week with my grandsons while their parents and sister get to enjoy a special time in a special place.

I do have a praise. I returned to Birmingham last week to have a place biopsied on my tongue that looked suspicious to me. Thankfully, my doctor called Saturday to tell me it was only inflamed tissue. He said he had two pathologists check it giving them my history with this cancer. He said he was happy. I told him I was, too :)
It may have never been anything, but who am I to deny that God might have completely healed it before it was removed!

I have set the LORD always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. (Psalm 16:8 NIV)

We must offer ourselves to God like a clean, smooth canvas and not worry ourselves about what God may choose to paint on it, but at each moment, feel only the stroke of His brush.-- Jean Pierre de Caussade

"Fight for me, God!"

Read from my Beth Moore devotional last night. Her last words of prayer most definitely speak my sentiments exactly:
"Lord Your power has not diminished since the days when You revealed Your power and glory as You fought for Israel. I am Your child, too. Fight for me, God! Overpower the one who seeks to overpower me!" (based on Exodus 15:9-10)

Steadfast Belief

From Beth Moore's Praying God's Word Day by Day,
January 21:
WE TEND TO RUN TO GOD FOR TEMPORARY RELIEF. GOD IS LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WHO WILL WALK WITH HIM IN STEADFAST BELIEF.
At this moment, Father, I am choosing the way of truth. I want to set my heart on Your laws (Ps. 119:30). I want to choose the way of truth the rest of my days.
Test me, O Lord, and try me. Examine my heart and my mind, for Your love is ever before me, and I desire to walk continually in Your truth (Ps. 26:2-3). Redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth (Ps. 31:5). Help me remember that nothing and no one can be redeemed without truth: the God of truth!
Show me Your ways, O Lord. Teach me Your paths. Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long
(Ps. 25:4-5).

Oh to be one that He finds walking with Him in steadfast belief! "...You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long".
(I said I was going to enjoy my devotional books!)
**********************************************
We saw my medical oncologist today. We had a good, lengthy talk with him about options, and we agreed with him on everything. All of my doctors have stated that there is not an effective chemo for squamous cell carcinoma. My dr. doesn't believe it is necessary for me to have chemo since there is no evidence of this cancer having metastasized to any other organs. Also, by all indications my surgeon got it all. There have been no studies with Erbitux as a long term treatment to show that it would effectively do anything long term. Honestly, I have had radiation to my mouth once, and the cancer returned; to my neck twice, and the cancer returned, 8 Erbitux treatments and the cancer returned. There are no guarantees. My dr. offered us the option of seeking other opinions elsewhere. He is the president of Alabama's cancer information board (can't remember the actual name of it). He is responsible for keeping up on all new cancer treatment information so he can relay that information to all the oncologists in Alabama. I wouldn't think there would be anyone else to know much more than he does; though, he is contacting a dr. in Birmingham that will be speaking at their conference in April on head and neck cancer. He will be seeing us again February 14th to report to us what she says. It is his suggestion at this time to go 8 more weekly rounds of Erbitux treatments and then go to once a month treatments with it. There is no precedence for this. As a friend told me tonight, I could be the one to help find a cure for this cancer!
Continue to pray for us to know God's direction.

I will bless the Lord at all times...Let us exalt His name together

I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul will make its boast in the LORD; The humble will hear it and rejoice. O magnify the LORD with me, And let us exalt His name together. I sought the LORD, and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears. O taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
Psalm 34:1-4, 8 New American Standard Bible

I saw my surgeon last Tuesday to have my stitches removed. He had already planned to take a little more gum tissue to make sure he removed all of the cancer that was there. I, also, asked him to check a place on the inside of my cheek just to make sure. He called Sunday afternoon to tell me the results. The place on my cheek was fine. Cancer did show up in the gum tissue he removed, but he was able to remove all of the cancer giving me clear margins. So no further surgery to my mouth is necessary. That was all great news. He (and I) will just keep a close watch on the area.

My surgeon, also, gave us the pathology report last week to take to my medical oncologist. I have an appointment to see him next Tuesday to see what my options might be for further treatment. Radiation is not an option. I have already had radiation twice on my neck and to my mouth once. It's usually not repeated after the first time, anyway. So we'll see what the oncologist has to say.

I decided to switch from the CD I had been listening to in the car for the past week. I was just thinking it's just so neat to hear God speak randomly to me through music on the radio when I'm in the car. When I started the car to go back to work after lunch (after just talking to my onc's office and finding out my appt. time), "Voice of Truth" was in process of playing on the radio. I think God is really wanting to impress upon me to not let "voices" from here or there drown out HIS voice to me. Don't ever give up. Keep holding on.

A Fresh Beginning

That was the title of the devotional for January 1. It's from a new daily devotional book given to me by my husband for my birthday. It's co-authored by Henry Blackaby. He, also, gave me another daily devotional at Christmas authored by Beth Moore. I know I will enjoy both of them immensely!
The verse for January 1 particularly caught my eye. It is similar to one in an email I got on Monday. After seeing it in yesterday's devotional, I thought I should sit up and take notice. That was probably at least the 4th time, maybe more, these verses have come to my attention in some way or other in the past couple of weeks. God is definitely trying to say something to me through it. After this many repeats in the past few days, it's not meant to be coincidental!

From December 31:
"I am the LORD; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols. See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you." Isaiah 42:8-9

From January 1:
"Behold, I will do a new thing. Now it shall spring forth...I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19
The last sentence of the devotional: "Embrace the fresh beginning God wants to give you."