The path of His choosing

From Jesus Calling, May 1:
You are on the path of My choosing. There is no randomness about your life. Here and Now comprise the coordinates of your daily life. Most people let their moments slip through their fingers, half-lived. The avoid the present by worrying about the future or longing for a better time and place. They forget that they are creatures who are subject to the limitations of time and space. They forget their Creator, who walks with them only in the present.
Every moment is alive with My glorious Presence, to those whose hearts are intimately connected with Mine. As you give yourself more and more to a life of constant communion with Me, you will find that you simply have no time for worry. Thus, you are freed to let My Spirit direct your steps, enabling you to walk along the path of Peace. Luke 12:25-26, Luke 1:79

This one was tough. It's been hard not to let my mind drift since my last doctor's visit, hearing his knowledge expressed. I don't want to 'forget' my Creator in the midst of this struggle. Though I am fully aware of His Presence every moment, I don't want to lose intimacy with Him in the midst of this struggle. Though I continue to seek communion with Him, I don't want it minimized in the midst of this struggle...giving way to worry. That path of Peace is compromised when the struggle consumes me. Yes, I speak of my physical and mental struggle here. However, a struggle of any kind that keeps me from staying focused on my Creator, His Presence, and our communion, thus stealing my peace, becomes an idol. I don't want to wake up and go to sleep with idols.

Faith is Living

We went for my surgery follow-up appointment to Birmingham today to get my stitches removed. I had not talked with the doctor since the day we went home from the hospital on April 7th. Surgery went well on April 6th. The tumor was in the muscle so the dr. had to take some of the muscle, too. Though, it wasn't as much as he had to take before on the right side, it still has affected my range of motion for my left arm, too. I'll try the therapy exercises I've done for the right side to keep the shoulder muscles loose so they won't tighten up even more.

The doctor told me today that the cancer was in the muscle which means it traveled there through the blood stream. He removed 11 lymph nodes and they were all clear. He said I'm what they would call an enigma--not a textbook case. (Enigma-something hard to understand or explain; perplexing, puzzling situation--actually, I've stumped all 3 of my cancer drs) He said they can't go to the textbook and find what to do about my case. He advised continuing the monthly Erbitux. He'll schedule a repeat MRI for mid-June to check the BB size spot on the right side. I'll see him afterwards, unless I start feeling something there before then.

As we were coming home, I got out my iPod and started listening to my music. I'm especially enjoying the music of John Waller right now. His song Faith Is Living especially ministered to me. Some of the lyrics:

I wish I could see just three steps in front of me
But the lamp unto my feet
it only moves when I take a step
and believe Your word to me
Lord, You have a history
that proves You're worthy of my faith

You are who you say You are
And You will do what You promised to
And I believe,
That's faith.

Its the evidence of things I cannot see
and faith--its the confidence that You are holding me
It's stepping out, It's breaking through
All my doubts and all I thought I knew
'cause you've never lived until you live by faith

you've never lived until you've lived by faith
you've never lived until you've trusted grace
you've never lived until you lay it all down
so come and live...
Faith is living. (John Waller)

After hearing that song again (for the umpteenth time), it just helped to ground me.This journey that God has me on is all about faith...living by faith, trusting grace. I'm obviously not going to know what lies ahead for me. If it's complete healing, we'll see. But if it's not, God wants me to trust him moment by moment and keep myself attuned to how He wants me to respond to what comes my way. I pray I will hear and see His direction so I can fully be used in this particular plan He has mapped out for this child to follow.

I read these passages from a Max Lucado email devotion after my surgery, Dashed Hopes:

I had made preparations to build it. But God said to me, “You shall not build a house for My name because you are a man of war and have shed blood.… Your son Solomon is the one who shall build My house and My courts.” (1 Chronicles 28:2–3, 6 NASB, emphasis mine)

“Yet, the LORD, the God of Israel, chose me from all the house of my father to be king over Israel forever. For He has chosen Judah to be a leader; and in the house of Judah, my father’s house, and among the sons of my father He took pleasure in me to make me king over all Israel.” (1 Chronicles 28:4 NASB, emphasis mine)
 
David's "but God" became a "yet God".
I can put myself in the place as this devotional ends:
Who's to say mine won't become the same?
 
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9, NIV

No matter what

Seems quite appropriate to post a recent Twitter post by John Piper: No matter what. "I trust in the steadfast love of God forever" (Psalm 52:8).

I had an MRI about 2 weeks ago to see why I was feeling pressure in the right side of my neck. From the reading of the MRI, it must be from all the scar tissue. However, a couple of things did show up. There is a BB size spot higher up on the right side, like more in my hairline. It's too small to even feel. Also, a lymph node on the left side showed up as abnormal. Actually, I found the knot on the left the night before the MRI when I was doing a routine check of my neck.
I saw my dr. in B'ham on Thursday. He couldn't feel the small spot on the right side either. He said we will just watch it and do a repeat MRI in 3-4 months unless I start feeling it. He said it wasn't necessary to put me through a biopsy to check the knot on the left. He said he'd want to remove it no matter what a biopsy would show. So I will have surgery again on Tuesday, April 6.
Compared to my oral surgeries, this will be a quicker recovery. Just praying my husband can go with me as he's recovering from surgery that he had last Monday. We'll see what his surgeon says at his followup on Monday. Small world--his surgeon and my surgeon interned together!

Lessons about the uncertainty of cancer

The story of Zac Smith

Approach Your Future With Joy

Approach your future with joy. This was the title of our pastor's message on Sunday. His message came from Philippians 1:18-20. The main teaching from the passage: We should be confident that our future will be an opportunity for Christ to display His glory--that our future is an opportunity for Christ to be displayed as the famous, glorious One. Be resolute to live your life so that Christ is honored no matter what happens.

Oral cancer's toll, Cruel

Here is an article just put out by The Oral Cancer Foundation: Oral cancer's toll, Cruel. Truthfully, all cancer is cruel. This article just gives voice to those of us who have dealt with and are dealing with this kind of cancer.

Mercy Granted

"The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer." Psalm 6:9 (NIV)

I'm very glad to report today that it has been one year since my last surgery/recurrence.  I am thankful that I have really been feeling well.  I still continue my monthly treatments of Erbitux.  I still have to deal with the bothersome, though not severe, side effects after each treatment.  My doctor said it wasn't protocol to do it this way...but pretty much because my surgeon was insistent/desperate to find a way to slow down/stop this cancer, my oncologist agreed this might be a good treatment plan.
 
Who am I to say that over two years later, Erbitux might actually be doing what the doctors have desired to see.  Though, my oncologist is fast to say that he believes God most definitely has a hand in recovery...and so do I!  God has been so good, and I give Him all the glory that I can share this post...that I have come this far!

A quote

From John Piper's Twitter & Facebook posts on December 14:
"When you take a breath and exhale in sobs, fall against the chest of Jesus. He will hold you up till you can breathe again."

Sometimes He Calms the Storm

Woo Hoo!

Went to Birmingham yesterday for my scheduled check-up.  My doctor said everything looked good and no lumps/knots being felt by him or me.  I don't have to go back till April 4, well past the anniversary of my last surgery.  It's been 10 months since my last surgery.  I haven't gone that long between surgeries in a LONG time.  PTL!!