Full Circle

Here is a quick update:  I had to quit work earlier than I thought. We've established a wonderful relationship with a local Hospice organization. Their goal has been to keep me comfortable and make sure I have everything I need. One of those being a pain patch which has helped to get my pain level under control. I received a PEG (feeding tube) two weeks ago as it had become impossible to swallow anything by mouth. It has been a bit overwhelming at times but at least I can get nutrition I need. I find myself sleepy or needing naps more frequently, but at least my pain is under control!

It has been hard for family and friends, too. I can see God's hand working this out for many of them. I've tried to share with them that sadness is okay. Jesus had sad moments. I learned a long time ago that God is okay with my human emotions...as long as I take them to Him. What He doesn't want me to do is wallow in hopelessness, becoming forlorn.  Forlorn: a. Appearing sad or lonely because deserted or abandoned. b. Forsaken or deprived: forlorn of all hope. TheFreeDictionary.com

That definition in itself takes God completely out of the equation. This emotion in no way brings glory to God as the focus is on self and circumstances that self does not want to tackle. All self effort to pull oneself out of this emotion brings no glory to God. That completely takes one's focus off of Him and His sovereignty. It takes one's trust off of Him. The only way God is going to get glory is to accept that He is sovereign. He can do whatever He wants to do, whenever He wants to. The ultimate goal is always going to be to bring Him glory. There's no use to get bent out of shape about the circumstances I have before me. God designed them. He will be there with me all the way through them. Whatever His choosing, the outcome will be for my good and for His glory.

My very first blog post on May 9, 2007 contained an article by Max Lucado, Peace for Anxious Days. I received this in another email a few weeks ago. Please take time to go back and read it. The message is still very much applicable (almost) 5 years later. You might say God has brought me full circle. I've been told by 2 different doctors that the life expectancy after a diagnosis of this sort would be 2-3 years and 5 years. It has been nearly 8 years. God gave me fabulous doctors that did everything in their power to fight this cancer. I think that rates up there with miraculous.

When I reflect on God's sovereignty in my life, it has to begin with my birth:
*I was born 3 months premature in 1952. I stayed 6 weeks in the hospital before being released to go home with my parents.
*He orchestrated how I would come to know Him through His son, Jesus Christ.
*He gave me the best husband I could ever have.
*He blessed me with 3 wonderful children to raise in understanding the importance of their own personal relationship with Him.
*He moved me to Dothan in order for my relationship in Him to grow to what it is presently.
*He placed me where I had access to some of the best doctors anywhere.
*He has given me peace that passes all understanding in many circumstances. Philippians 4:7

And I'll end this post with a quote by John Piper:
 "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life" (Ps 138:7). When this mercy is full, there'll be one for dying.  

And the words from Broken Praise:
 "If this is where my story ends, 

just give me one more breath to say
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah"

Amen and amen!