Do not fear

My verse and prayer today from Marybeth Whalen :

You came near when I called you, and you said, "Do not fear". Lamentations 3:57 (NIV)
Dear Lord, Help me to trust in You even as my fears are realized. Help me to hear Your voice telling me that You are with me, and that I don't need to be afraid. Help me to feel your nearness. Most of all, Lord, help me to see Your purpose for me even as I am walking through trials. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Saved from deep waters

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters." Psalm 18:16

"...Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior..." Isaiah 43:1b-3a

"He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy." Job 8:21

I wondered how I would begin another post...another post about cancer and surgery once again. A friend sent a card today with the verses from Isaiah. The other verses were in a devotional email I got before Christmas. There's never a shortage of the word of God for any given situation.

I went to Birmingham last Tuesday for a regular checkup. My dr. decided to do a biopsy of a suspicious area on the inside of my cheek. He called Sunday afternoon to tell us it is cancer. My surgery will be on Thursday, February 5th. This oral surgery will be more involved than previous oral surgeries. He will have to do a skin flap to cover the area that he removes. I have had radiation to that area and the circulation won't be as good. A flap is skin with blood vessels and such that can aid in blood circulation and help it heal. A skin graft wouldn't be able to do that. He will remove the flap from the inside of my left forearm. It won't be an overnight stay this time. I will be in ICU for the first night to make sure a clot doesn't form in the flap and prevent circulation. Then I will stay 2-3 more days. Oral surgery is always harder for me to bounce back, and this one sounds even tougher. I've always been able to quickly be back in the swing of things after my neck surgeries. There's more pain to control with oral surgery so I've got a measure of dread.

As I got in my car to go to work the morning after having the biopsy, the end of Praise You In This Storm was on my radio. I had been listening to CDs lately and hadn't listened to the radio so much. That was so like God though...reminding me He was with me. I don't know why I'm still a fan of contemporary Christian music at my age (ha, ha), but the end instrumental of that song to me is just pure surrender and worship. Then today I had my regular scheduled appointment with my chiropractor who is a member of my church. After my adjustment, he laid his hands on me and prayed. He always has Christian music playing through the intercom. Voice of Truth was playing in the background as he prayed. Is God not awesome or what? What else can I say, "Here we go again"? I think I've said that before, but, yes, here we go again. With the dread also comes an anticipation of how God will choose to manifest Himself to me. Did I happen to say that God is awesome?

Happy New Year

Sorry to be so long in posting. I recovered nicely from the radiation burn, though it was quite red for a while. It was fabulous not to have to worry about an Erbitux treatment during December and the side effects. I had a very busy holiday season and enjoyed being with my family very much during that time. Alas, if not for a sinus infection and stomach virus, it would have been an uneventful December.

The verse I received in a New Year's day devotional email was quite profound to me:
"Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord." Lamentations 2:19a (NKJV)
That is exactly what God desires us to do, give it all to Him.

I received a new devotional for the year, "Streams in the Desert". January 4th so spoke to my journey:
You will never learn faith in comfortable surroundings. God gives us His promises in a quiet hour, seals our covenants with great and gracious words, and then steps back, waiting to see how much we believe. He then allows the Tempter to come, and the ensuing test seems to contradict all that He has spoken. This is when faith wins its crown. This is the time to look up through the storm, and among the trembling, frightened sailors (in Acts) declare, " I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me." Acts 27:25

Sharing with a friend that has just learned she is dealing with breast cancer, we concurred that we are on a journey...with God...through this life...and we want to be found faithful to the trust He places in us to take the journey...with Him.

Future Hope

My skin is reacting to the radiation, as before, since I've finished. Can be quite touchy. I had my Eribtux Thursday and the dr. said it would exacerbate the reaction so I don't know if that's why it's worse. I really believe it would probably be like this anyway as it was summer of last year. Hopefully, it will heal soon, though. I do get the month of December off from the Erbitux. I'm very glad for that. I would like to fully enjoy the Christmas season this year!!

I wanted to share my Beth Moore Devotional from yesterday. I love to hear God's still small voice:
November 21: God does not love us less when He gives us fewer evidences. He simply desires to grow us up and teach us to walk by faith.
Lord, according to Your Word, hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life (Prov. 13:12). Lord, You are keenly aware of any hopes that have been deferred in my life. Help me to put my hopes in You, for You will fulfill my longings.
Wonderful Savior, You tell me that there is surely a future hope for me, and my hope will not be cut off (Prov. 23:18). When I hope in You, Lord, I will renew my strength. I will soar on wings like eagles; I will run and not grow weary, I will walk and not be faint (Isa. 40:31).
Lord, help me hear this word as one from You to me: "So there is hope for your future," declares the Lord (Jer. 29:17).

This takes me back to Everlasting God. Here's the story behind the song written by Brenton Brown:
“The song ‘Everlasting God’ was ‘born’ about eight years ago (2000). The worship teams from our church left Oxford for a retreat in the heart of Wales late on a Friday evening. I thought it would be a quick journey but close to four hours later, way past midnight, we arrived at our lodgings. It was dark and cold and most of us just wanted to head for bed after a long week and the endless journey. Before we did though, we all sat down for a little prayer. We’d brought along percussion and hand drums and as we started to pray we gradually began to pick up the various instruments and play. I grabbed a guitar and not long later the words and melody of the verse came out – ‘strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord’. It took four years to finish the song but basically things continued as they’d started. A few years later Ken Riley, a friend from Newcastle, came to visit Jude and I and added a great bridge to the song. At that stage both Jude and I had been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and the scriptures in the verse and bridge took on a significance I never dreamed I’d have to understand. The chorus of the song reveals the ‘punch line’ of Isaiah 40 – God is everlasting, unfailing, unflagging. There is no limit to his strength and energy. More than that, this powerful, always-strong God has compassion and mercy on those who call on Him. He lifts us up when we are weak...an enormously comforting and sometimes challenging truth that we have been able to hold on to.”

Finished!

I had my last radiation treatment yesterday...33 in all. I was glad my skin held up to get through all 33 without having to stop for a while. Now, hopefully, it will recover without having the reaction afterwards like I did the last time. It was nice that the last 3 weeks there was nobody waiting in the waiting room for their treatments. There were 4-5 every week when I first started. I'm glad the techs were just sitting around reading books and playing solitaire on the computer. I saw one of the techs, the one that has always fitted my mask, visiting church with his family Sunday. He told me yesterday that they have visited the last couple of Sundays. I knew he was a Christian because the first time he fitted me with the mask 3 years ago he made a point of finding out where I went to church and told me where he went. My other tech that did the treatments everyday gave me a certificate yesterday with a cross in the background. She specifically did that background for me. I thought that was very sweet of her. I'll have another Erbitux next week. I don't go back to B'ham till January. My radiation dr. said he wants a PET scan in about 3 months. I'll have a nice break for a while. Hopefully, an uneventful Christmas season with my family this year...the first in 4 years. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers that have most definitely gotten me through the last 7 weeks.

Halfway

Well, I'm halfway through my radiation treatments. I'll have another Erbitux on Thursday. The last one I had gave me a pretty rough weekend.
I did get a nice long weekend, though. My daughter-in-law invited me to go with her and the girls to Magic Kingdom and SeaWorld. My radiation dr. allowed me to have Thursday and Friday off. It was great...though my ankles rebelled at all the walking I was subjecting them to in such a short amount of time. Here are some pics:

Waiting for the first Cinderella Castle show

Cinderella Castle by day

Cinderella Castle by night

Scenes from the Shamu shows

Overcome by the bubble machine

Thank God for small favors

What can I say except that God is faithful! The Mask, as I've said, is so tight. The technician was nice enough to go ahead and cut the nose part out when it dried. I didn't have the mouth part cut out because I don't need a " bite block" since I'm not having radiation to my mouth. It was so tight over my mouth that my teeth were so pressed into the inside of my bottom lip. I even started having a toothache and couldn't help but wonder if it was because of the pressure pushing on my bite. The tech told me on Thursday that the markings to line up the machine were just below that part and would compromise it if it were cut. When my treatment finished she told me she might be able to move the marking a little lower. Hallelujah, it was cut out for me today! Not so unbearable now! I am so thankful. I got Friday and Monday off, too, because they had to do computer software updates. That was a good thing as my skin was already showing signs of redness after only 4 days. I did get my Erbitux on Thursday. I'm not sure if that might have enhanced the redness. It was good to have 4 days off, though. I had a typical Erbitux weekend, though. I felt pretty bad by Sunday. I'm really glad I don't have to have the Erbitux again so soon as when I had radiation last time.

Faith For Battle

I love sharing my devotionals that are so relevent to my situations in life. This one from Henry Blackaby's Discovering God's Daily Agenda:

The LORD our God spoke to us in Horeb, saying: "You have dwelt long enough at this mountain." Deuteronomy 1:6

We will never be the people God wants us to be if we don't spend time with Him.
Everyone of us needs some time on a spiritual mountain with God, but He does not set people free to remain on the mountain. After all, any mountaintop encounter we have with God is not merely for our encouragement; it is also intended to strengthen us for battle. Victories are ultimately not won by extended worship times on the mountaintop, but by going into battle and fulfilling God's purpose for our lives.
Some people are tempted to take up permanent residence on their spiritual mountaintop, but that makes them unavailable for God's service--and they don't experience fresh spiritual victories. Other believers neglect their time with God in order to rush into the next battle for Him. These people inevitably experience humiliating defeat.
During certain seasons throughout our lives and even at occasional points in our week, we need to withdraw from life's battles. At other times we need to leave the mountain and advance on the enemy. God knows which you ought to be doing. Be sure you are seeking His will and obeying His call.

For me, I want to walk in obedience to fulfill His purpose for my life. I want to hear His voice and know when to advance on the enemy and experience fresh spiritual victories; but also when to withdraw from my battles and spend time with Him.

First day, again

Well, I started my radiation treatments today...with The Mask. Three years ago when I had radiation that involved the mask, I listened to Lifesong and Praise You In This Storm everyday on my way to my treatments. I truly wanted my lifesong to sing to Him, to be a good witness. I have to say this mask thing really tries me on that. I want to have a good attitude about it, but I truly hate that thing. I don't want this to be what I take in with me everyday in front of these technicians. They are nice enough, but it's a job and they have the next patient waiting. As hard as it might be for me to deal with this, I don't want that to be the attitude they see from me every day. I posted a blog earlier today with a song that was on the radio when I was going back to work after the treatment. Two lines in the song jumped out at me: "You comfort those in need, You lift us up on wings like eagles." The whole song is timely telling me "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord." At this point I don't know just how that strength will be there for me tomorrow, but I know I have a lot of people praying for me in my need, and God knows that need and He will surely meet it for His glory.

Building Faith

The following excerpt is from my Henry Blackaby devotional for September 20:
"Times that deeply challenge your faith will inevitably occur in your life. Eventually a situation will require you to trust God to a greater degree than you have ever had to trust Him before. Don't be shaken. Keep your eyes steadfastly on Jesus. He can see you through the storm. And, when He does, you will have grown to trust Him at a deeper level of faith than you ever have before."

I've really had a struggle with the issue of faith, thinking I haven't had enough or it's not strong enough. I guess I was thinking it was up to me to make it what God wants it to be. But with every challenging situation he has allowed in my life (and I'm not just talking my health here), He has been building my faith. As I look back I can see He has done this. If it were not so, I wouldn't be sitting here adding another post to this blog. I won't lie. I don't want these challenging situations in my life, for me or anybody else in my family. But God is God! What greater way to show His realness than to cause me (or somebody else) to trust Him yet another time...and, yet another time, to reveal His faithfulness to my trust in Him. No, it doesn't instantaneously make the situation better, but He lets me know in His special way that He's at work in the midst of whatever it is...when I'm faithful to Him. See it...faith. Like I started this blog in my very first post, it starts and ends with His faithfulness.