Revelation Song

Unswervingly

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."
Hebrews 10:23

God's Provision Brings Glory

Here are some snippets from my latest Henry Blackaby devotional, March 18:
"Did you know that you bring glory to God by calling upon Him when you are in distress? God promised He would deliver you if you turned to Him. You deny the Lord honor that is rightfully His very time you find yourself in difficulty and you fail to call upon Him for help! There may be times when God allows you to reach a point of need so that you can call upon Him, and thus let Him demonstrate to a watching world the difference He makes in the lives of His children. If God never allowed you to experience need, people around you might never have the opportunity to witness God's provision in the life of a Christian. Call upon the Lord and wait exclusively upon Him to rescue you. Then give Him the glory that He deserves."

If I was so bold as Charles Spurgeon as I read in Streams in the Desert:
Every promise of Scripture is a letter from God, which we may plead before Him with this reasonable request: "Do as you promised." Our Creator will never cheat those of us of His creation who depend upon His truth. And even more, our heavenly Father will never break His word to His own child. "Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope" Psalm 119:49. This is a very common plea and is a double argument, for it is "your word." Will You not keep it? Why have You spoken it, if You will not make it good? "You have given me hope." Will You now disappoint the hope that You Yourself have brought forth within me?

Latest checkup

We went back to B'ham on Monday for second followup after surgery. My dr. says things look good. He did give me steroid shots in the flap to help reduce the swelling that is still there. The area is still numb so I didn't (and don't) feel a thing. He wants me to go back in 8 weeks. He said to plan for him to trim the flap part that meets the corner of the inside of my lip. He can do that in his office. It is still quite noticeable when I talk. I am able to talk better, though you may not understand me well. I'm eating better and able to chew food now, but it is quite a workout for my left jaw since my mouth still won't open very far. I had my Erbitux treatment yesterday so I'm not feeling so good. I saw that dr. last Thursday, and we decided to continue with the once a month treatments. We have no way of knowing if they are doing any good at all. I think it keeps my doctors from being frustrated of what to do to stop this stuff. At least we're doing what there is to do right now.

Perfectly right

I will go back in two weeks to see my surgeon for the second follow-up. At this point I'm discouraged that the 'wad' in my mouth is VERY slow in going down. His consensus was that it could take 8 weeks for recovery. I will see what he says when I see him again. Yet, in spite of the discouragement it brings, I must keep it all in perspective, too.

My devotional from Streams in the Desert for March 1 was based on the scripture Ecclesiastes 7:13-"Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked?"
Then the author chose a selected commentary without an author listed:
God often seems to place His children in places of deep difficulty, leading them into a corner from which there is no escape. He creates situations that human judgment, even if consulted, would never allow. Yet the cloudiness of the circumstance itself is used by Him to guide us to the other side. Perhaps this is where you find yourself even now.
Your situation is filled with uncertainty and is very serious, but it is perfectly right. The reason behind it will more than justify Him who brought you here, for it is a platform from which God will display His almighty grace and power.
He not only will deliver you but in doing so will impart a lesson that you will never forget. And in days to come, you will return to the truth of it through singing. You will be unable to ever thank God enough for doing exactly what He has done.

A platform to display His grace and power. So be it...and with singing! Well, I can't sing, never could, but especially not now with all the neck surgeries and radiations to my neck. You know I'm a music person (how odd that I work for a minister of music and I really know nothing about music but that I like it) and like to share what God says through peoples' music. So let that be a a form of singing for me...through someone else, that knows just how to place in musical words what God is doing in my life. Enjoy!

A Grounded Hope

A friend loaned a book to me that had been given her recently after her diagnosis of breast cancer. It is A Reason for Hope-Gaining Strength for your Fight Against Cancer by Michael S. Barry who is a chaplain for the Cancer Treatment Centers of America and pastor of Hope Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Libertyville, Ill. It was a little book full of hope and encouragement. Psalm 31:24 particularly jumped out at me: "Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." Matthew 26:39 had a new meaning for me: "Yet not as I will, but as You will." I am trusting it to be God's will to heal me completely of this cancer. Jesus prayed those words before his crucifixion. Why would He pray for God's will when it would mean crucifixion, taking the sin of the world on His shoulders? God had a plan, a much bigger plan, and Jesus knew that. He wanted God's plan to be fulfilled. How can I pray for God's will for me when part of His plan means for me to deal with cancer? Cancer's not good and no one wants to deal with it. I'm glad God has a much bigger plan for me than cancer, and I don't want to limit Him fulfilling that plan by not trusting Him when I pray "yet not as I will, but as You will".

There was a prayer at the end of one of the chapters in the book that I wanted to share:

Father in heaven, help me to have hope by surrounding me with hopeful people. Help me not to receive bad news as though is is the last edition, but rather as one piece of information afloat on a river of facts flowing into a hopeful future. Heal me, I pray, not for my sake or anyone else's, but for Your sake. And ground my hope in the reality of Your profound and enduring love for me and desire for my well-being. In the Name of Jesus, I pray. Amen

Thank you for being hopeful people who surround me.

Part 2-Recovery at home

We got home from the hospital comfortably by Sunday afternoon. I was looking forward to being able to really get some much needed rest in my own bed. John, of course, was a great nurse taking care of my every need. With the splint on my left arm I was not able to easily shower or dress without his help. He took care of my neck incision every morning and evening. He had my breakfast and lunch prepared or came back to help with lunch if he could. I've had so much going on in my mouth with stitches and swelling that only liquid or creamy things have been part of my diet so far. Can't handle anything with even small chunks or texture quite yet. I was looking forward to going back for my follow-up on Monday, the 16th. I was hoping the splint would come off and my doctor would shed more light on the swelling in my mouth. He had told us when we left the hospital that it would take 6 weeks for it to completely go down. He had said the swelling should be down 50% from what it was till I came back for the follow-up. I wasn't so sure it had gotten down that much when we went back. He did remove the splint, plus staples from an incision that went from my wrist where the flap was removed to my elbow. I wasn't expecting that. I had no idea the extent this surgery took to make sure the flap in my mouth would have the veins and arteries needed to make it work properly. He and the nurses were quite pleased with my progress and all seemed according to plan though it is such an adjustment for me. He told me before I left his office that it might be 8 weeks for the area to completely heal to a normal state. I'll see him again in 4 weeks. The stitches and swelling in my mouth not only limits my ability to eat and drink but also to talk. That would be a huge prayer request...that my mouth will quickly heal, and I would be able to eat more easily. It is great to be able to use my left arm now. The wrist is still quite touchy and my arm is recovering from soreness I'm sure because of the incision that had to be made. I was able to blow dry my hair today on my own for the first time...and I'm able to type using both hands now. This has to be the most challenging recovery I've ever had from surgery. It's actually like having 3 individual major surgeries to get over. It's just going to be more time intensive. Cannot wait for 8 weeks to be here so I can hopefully see great improvement. Thank you for your many thoughts and prayers during all of this time.

Part 1-February 5th Surgery

We reported to the 3rd floor of St. Vincent's Hospital at 5:00 a.m. sharp to sign in for my scheduled surgery. They took me immediately to the 4th floor to get me prepped for surgery. This time I honestly don't remember ever leaving the room where they get your IV started and all that stuff. (I had to get the IV in my left foot since my surgeon was going to be working on my left arm, and I can't have sticks in my right arm due to nodes being removed after my lumpectomy in 2000.) I remember the anesthesiologist saying he was going to give me something to help me relax. That's the last thing I remember until I woke up in recovery saying my throat was hurting. They hadn't removed the breathing tube yet and said that was probably why and removed it. I remember having to cough a lot, which I've never done after surgery. I later learned my surgery took 4 hours. I've never had tubes down my nose and throat for that length of time while doing all kinds of surgeries on me. I knew the doctors would be removing the cancer from the inside of my cheek and then sew a flap of skin from the inside of my forearm to the area so it could heal. Veins and arteries would be attached microscopically and the blood flow to the area would have to come from the left side of my neck. I have had too many surgeries and radiation on the right side to get a good blood flow for the flap. I asked the nurse in recovery by note how long my incision was on my neck. She said it was from under my ear to across the center of my neck. The nurses were talking about how good the incision had been closed up. I later noticed the splint I knew would be on my left arm looked more like a cast with the thick ace bandage wrapped from my fingertips to above my elbow. I was in recovery for about 6 hours waiting for a room in ICU where I was scheduled to spend the night. All this time I'm wondering how I'm going to get up and use the bathroom when I have to go. I later learned I had a catheter. That was really a relief to me to know I didn't have to try to get up and go. The nurses in ICU would frequently look in my mouth with a flashlight to make sure the flap was pink, getting blood flow. They even checked it with a mini Doppler machine where they could pick up the pulse of the blood flow around my mouth and cheek. The doctor had the temperature of the room stay between 75 and 80 degrees to help encourage blood flow so the vessels wouldn't get cooled down and constrict. I ended up staying in ICU two nights with male nurses which was quite interesting to say the least. A (female) nurse removed the catheter the next day in ICU and that was fine. One of my doctors so nicely arranged to have me moved to the new wing when I left ICU on Saturday afternoon. (He had already sent John to his office across the street to get 2 shots for a sinus infection that had really taken hold of him.) It was nice to finally be in a 'regular' room...a regular room with a mirror in the bathroom. I had NO idea till I saw myself in the mirror just how swollen my face and mouth were from the surgery. It was quite a shock. The assisting surgeon had said in ICU that I would probably go home on Tuesday or Wednesday. However, my regular doctor came in to see us on Sunday morning and said I could go home on Monday unless I wanted to go home Sunday. I was so ready to go home. The nights were so long in the hospital. So we were able to go home Sunday which was a huge blessing. The flap was proving to be a successful transplant, and I was doing well.

Delayed update

I'll give a full account of my surgery and recovery as soon as I'm able to use both hands to type. I'm still only right handed for typing right now. Hopefully, just a few more days and I'll have full typing access of my left hand, too.

This is My doing

Just had to share one more excerpt with you from Streams in the Desert.

February 1:
This is my doing. 1 Kings 12:24
My child, I have a message for you today. Let me whisper it in your ear so any storm clouds that may arise will shine with glory, and the rough places you may have to walk will be made smooth. It is only four words, but let them sink into your inner being, and use them as a pillow to rest your weary head. "This is my doing." Have you realized that whatever concerns you concerns Me, too? "For whosoever touches you touches the apple of [my] eye" Zech 2:8. "You are precious and honored in my sight" Isaiah 43:4. Therefore it is My special delight to teach you. Are you in difficult circumstances..."This is my doing." I am the God of circumstances. You did not come to this place by accident--you are exactly where I meant for you to be. Laura A. Barter Snow

Is this but a perfect expression of His Sovereignty!!

Seriously, I need to get busy about getting ready to leave in the morning. Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers. I will update when we get back.